Ooo eee, ooo ah ah ting tang walla walla bing bang

Maddie's six-month appointment was last Monday. She is doing very well! We had to get more dreaded vaccinations, 3 total. Maddie took it like a champ and cried for less than 30 seconds, which is better than I would have done. She is 26.50" long, not much change in that department, and a WHOPPING . . . 19 lbs 13 oz. Maddie has always been pretty good at eating! I figured the photo taken by Josh Solar at her 6 month photo session was appropriate.

Maddie's Six-Month Photo Session

Josh and Jenny, of Josh Solar Photography, came to the house again yesterday for Maddie's six-month photo session. She was in a particularly goofy mood, so they got some really great shots. The entire session will be available on their website within the next week or so, and we'll post a link at that time, but they've posted several of their favorites on their blog. I've also posted just a few here. Let us know what you think!

Happy Six-Months!

We celebrated the hemiversary of Maddie's birth today! We partied in style with the skinniest candle we could find, symbolizing 1/2 a candle, and pureed sweet potatoes.

Parenting--Complete with a Free Helping of Guilt

First of all, I know I already broke my little promise to myself. It's been well over a week since my last post. (Yeah, I knew there were some of you who were thinking, "No way is that going to happen. We know what a slacker Alaina is.") Secondly, I said this was going to be my "mommy-free" zone, but who am I kidding? I don't really have that much else going on. I just wanted to pretend that I did for a little while.

Now, onto the topic at hand: Guilt. I was talking to Jon the other day, and I said that having Maddie had given me a new appreciation for three emotions I only thought I'd experienced before. I love her more than I ever thought I could love anything, really. As cliche and trite and twee as that sounds, I do. If cutting my own foot off would make her happy, I'd probably do it. Okay, no I wouldn't because I'm sure there's a moral lesson to be learned about not doing things that hurt other people for your own selfish pleasure, and as her mom, it's important that I teach her this, but you get the idea.

Along with the love, there's the fear. If you have kids, I know you know what I'm talking about. You lie awake at night thinking about all the things that could possibly happen to your child--even the things that could only happen to your child if you were involved in a fiery plane crash and somehow, no one survived except your baby, and how long would she survive on a desert island before... No? Maybe it's just me. Anyway, the fear is normal. Perhaps the imagination is a little overactive, in my case, but the fear is normal.

Finally, there's the guilt, but here, it seems I am alone. Jon said he feels the love and he feels the fear, but he doesn't feel the guilt. "What?" I said. "You don't sit around wondering which of your recent actions will be the one that sends her to therapy?" So, I mulled this over for a few days, and I thought, maybe it's just Jon. Maybe his ego is so massive that it doesn't occur to him he could be irrevocably screwing up Maddie's psyche for the rest of her life! So, yesterday, when I went to get my hair cut, I asked my stylist. He said that it's totally a woman thing. He has two little boys, and he doesn't feel guilt. He laid it out pretty well, though. "Think about it," he said. "When I go back to work three days after my son is born, no one thinks twice about it. If you did that, you'd be a horrible mother. Even when you do go back, there will always be people who tell you you're making the wrong decision, and your child will suffer as a consequence. But, if you don't go back to work, you're not a Woman with a capital "W." You're supposed to be able to do it all, and you can't, and so you never feel like you give 100% to anything, and therefore you feel guilty, all the time." (Okay, so I'm totally paraphrasing. He's not quite that eloquent, and my memory's not that good, but that was the basic idea.

So, here's where the blog gets interactive: If you're a parent, what do you feel about the guilt? I want to hear from moms and dads. If you're not a parent, what are your feelings on the obvious double-standard we have going on here? Give me your feedback; seriously, I'm interested.

(I have placed a poll off to the right for a quick assessment of your parenting guilt.)

But This One Goes up to 11...

In an effort to keep plaid pants from being too "preppy", we salute early punk fashion and Spinal Tap.

And yes, her dad does rock, so much so that if we could afford a miniture Stone Henge and little people to dance around it, he'd totally deserve it.

I'm Still Here

I've been mulling this over for the past few weeks, ever since I tried to, and failed, to write a post about the inauguration: What happened to my sense of self? What happened to my life outside of work and my child? I used to have opinions, and express them pretty freely, as many of you, to your detriment, probably know. So, what happened? How did I get sucked into the Mommy bubble like so many other people I know, completely clueless about anything other than diaper cream and sleeping schedules and the hottest trends in onesie couture. (Okay, that last part is a lie. I can't afford couture onsies.)

Part of it is a lack of time. By the time I get home from work, feed Maddie, feed myself (and usually Jon), feed Maddie again, put Maddie to bed, and get the house picked up and ready for tomorrow, there's time for about an hour of downtime with Jon before I head for bed, all assuming I haven't fallen asleep on the couch, again. That doesn't really account for it, though. I still have that hour in which I could be writing blog posts that reflect a little of my views and personality, but I don't do it, and it's not only because I can hardly keep my eyes open through the first 15 minutes of "Chuck." I think that during my pregnancy, when everyone from my family to the clerk at the grocery store was throwing advice my way, I stopped feeling comfortable expressing my opinions, afraid that I might offend someone. (Strangely, very few people seemed to worry about offending the poor, hormonal pregnant woman.) Even right now, I'm willing myself not to just delete this and move on.

So, this is my new promise to me--I'm going to express myself more often, just so I don't lose touch with that part of myself that existed before Maddie. I used to do this all the time in high school. I wrote a column for every issue of the school paper for two years, and I never once worried about offending anyone. (Granted, high schoolers aren't really known for their tact, but don't you sometimes wish you could recapture the sense of bravado and the confidence you had then, back when you really could do anything, and reality hadn't slapped you across the face with a good dose of cynicism?) Anyway, my new goal is to, once a week, post something that's been kicking around in my head, whether it be politics, a book I just read, an NPR segment I listened to, just something that allows me to be me without having to worry about whether anyone else agrees with me.

For instance, I just finished reading my first full-length novel since popping out a baby. (I know she's almost six months old, but remember, one hour of downtime that usually involves sleeping on the couch. And no, reading the fourth installment of the Harry Potter series to her while breastfeeding doesn't count.) I read Annie Proulx's Accordion Crimes, and I have to say it was one of the most depressing books eh-ver. Seriously, people, if you like feeling like the world is a dark and horrible place full of people who do terrible things to each other and it will never get better no matter how long we wait, I highly recommend this book. If, however, you like your days with at least one ray of sunshine, I'd read something else. (To Ms. Proulx's credit, I read and greatly enjoyed The Shipping News. It's on my list of Top Shelf books and the entire reason I picked up Accordian Crimes in the first place.)

All right, the monitor just went off. Me time is over...

Fun with Fundus Photography!

Because I am a eye nerd otherwise known as "Great Healer of the Ocular System." I have decided to share with you a fantastic montage of photos my staff took of my right eye this morning. At work, we purchased a new fundus (retinal) camera and I was training the staff on creating a montage of 9 separate pictures. Here is my collage, of 9 separate fundus photos melded into one. Pretty sweet huh!

3D Gwennie

One last use for the 3D glasses you got for the Super Bowl. We have made Gwennie 3D, in case you can't remember just how fluffy she is. Here is our furocious feline at rest!

Telemundo!!!

The final update to the television saga is at hand! I received the television after weeks of delay. It is a Panasonic Plasma and is all I could hope for and more from a television :) With the help of my buddy Thad, we picked up the TV Tuesday evening. It works excellent and has already entertained Alaina, Maddie, and me, mostly me! Here is the TV in all its glory, displaying High Definition picture of the Super Bowl.