The Great Poo "Incident" of 2009

WARNING: This post is not for the faint of stomach. Please read at your own risk.

If you follow this blog regularly, you may have noticed that in a recent post, I mentioned a debate about a certain blog topic that was arguably too "gross" to publish. I know you've all been on pins and needles since then, not only from curiosity about the event itself but also wondering what could have happened that I, especially, would feel uncertain about posting. (Not being known for my subtlety or sense of restraint...) Well, wait no more, dear readers! I present to you, "The Great Poo Incident of 2009!"

It all started innocently enough last Friday morning. As it was supposed to be pleasantly warm that day, I dressed Maddie in a little denim jumper and t-shirt. Her diapers are G-diapers (Yay, G-diapers! If you don't know what they are, check them out here.), and since they're pretty cute, I didn't think I needed to put anything else over them. Foreshadowing, people. It's what the good writers do. Having dressed, fed, and otherwise prepared my child for the day, I dropped her off at daycare with Laura, drove to work, and prepared to spend the majority of my day in a meeting with clients, sans phone.

Meanwhile, back in Olathe, Laura puts Maddie down for her morning nap and goes about her day, which at this point includes entertaining the two children at daycare who don't take a morning nap. Around 11 a.m., she hears Maddie fussing, and she goes upstairs to get her out of the pack 'n' play and bring her down to play. Little does she know what horrible fate awaits her on the other side of the bedroom door...

(If this were TV, I'd take a commercial break here, just so you know.)

On entering the room, Laura finds Maddie on her hands and knees in the pack 'n' play, whimpering, and completely caked in poo. Yes, poo! Apparently, during her nap, the cute g-diaper that I had so thoughtlessly left uncovered came loose (or was helped loose, we'll never know), and then, Maddie proceeded to poop in the bed. Being still somewhat new to this world, and it must be said, never having been allowed to play with her own feces before, she proceeded to make short work of the "matter." Laura said it was everywhere--all over the pack 'n' play, the crib sheet, her clothes, her pacifier, her hands, feet, hair, face. Yeah...it was not a pretty sight.

Now comes the slightly ridiculous part. After bathing Maddie (that must have been fun), Laura becomes concerned that Maddie may have ingested or inhaled some of the poo. BUT, instead of calling our pediatrician, whom she has the number for, she dialed 911 and had a team of paramedics come to the house to assess her. (Note: Maybe I'm an irresponsible mother, but if this had happened at home, I would have been disgusted, had a long battle with my gag reflex, bathed her, and then probably had another battle with my gag reflex, but I would have even thought about calling her doctor, much less an ambulance, but then, maybe that's why I don't run a daycare.) The paramedics arrive, listen to her lungs, which sound clear, and then ask Laura if she'd like to have her transported to the nearest hospital. Now remember, I'm in a meeting without my phone, Jon sees patients and doesn't carry his phone with him, and Laura thinks he's in Gardner when he's really in Overland Park, so through all of this, she can't get a hold of either of us. Luckily, she decided not to have her transported; otherwise, Jon and I would have been charged several mortgage payments because our daughter decided to go all nude-beach on us.

So, there you have it, "The Great Poo Incident of 2009." Laura sent all the laundry home, but Jon had it all washed and dried by the time I arrived home (the sheet and pacifier were beyond salvation, sadly), so really, writing it up for the blog is the most I've had to do, which was nice. Well, that, and try not to cry on the way home, picturing my baby covered in poo.

Needless to say, there will be no more uncovered G-diapers, ever, I don't care how damn cute they are...