Of Weaning and Whining (and Wining and Sushi)

WARNING: This post contains very detailed information about breastfeeding and weaning. If you feel that this is something you may be uncomfortable with, please do not read this post. If you do read it and are subsequently offended or unsettled, the writer and other contributors to this blog take no responsibility for your lack of judgement.

So, it's official. Maddie is weaned and I am, for the time being, finished breastfeeding. Since I know there are several people who read this blog who are breastfeeding or will be breastfeeding, I thought it might be helpful to outline the process a little since I, for one, had a lot of trouble finding information on weaning when I needed it. Well, sort of. I could find information on weaning a baby. What I couldn't find information on was weaning a mom. I found article after article on cutting back on feedings slowly, introducing the bottle, etc., but I found one, seriously ONE, article on what I should expect as I went from milk factory to empty barn. (It was on Babble, of course.)

Anyway, basically, I began cutting back on feedings in June. I went from pumping three times a day to pumping twice a day and then once a day and then not at all during the day. We switched Maddie to goat's milk and then cow's milk, and aside from the fact that she still refuses to drink cow's milk out of a sippy-cup (coming soon to Webster-Stoppel Family, the epic saga of Bottle vs. Cup!), it went very well. In fact, from her perspective, I was sort of sad that she didn't seem to miss me or my milk more. In reality, Jon and I were actually quite glad the transition was smooth. I eventually got to the point where I was only nursing her morning and night, then only in the morning, and on the morning of her birthday party, I nursed her for the last time, and that was it. Out of business.

As for what my body did, well, it wasn't quite that smooth. Aside from the actual shutting down, going from pumping twice a day to pumping once a day was the most difficult. I chose to cut feedings out over the weekends, so I wouldn't be sitting at my desk at work leaking through my clothes, but that meant there were several times during the weekends that I was in some other public place hoping I didn't leak through my clothes. And yes, it's painful, although, not as painful as some descriptions I've heard. My breasts were rock solid, unmoving, hot, and painful. I did not want to be touched, and by the end of it all, raising my arms over my head hurt. Getting dressed in the morning was challenging, and following The Last Supper (or breakfast as the case may be), I wore sports bras for a week solid.

Then, strangely, after a week of pain, clogged ducts about which I could do nothing, embarrassingly large breasts, ill-fitting tops, and disrupted sleep, everything just went away. By the Sunday following our last feeding session, my breasts were still very sore, but they weren't massive and immovable. By Monday, it was over. As for the aftermath, it's not too bad. (She writes while tilting her head a little and squinting, trying to decide how she really feels.) Yes, my breasts are smaller and they seem to have lost a little, um, elasticity, but they're not flat as pancakes and hanging out in the vicinity of my belly-button, either. Plus, I'm actually thinner now than I was before I got pregnant, so who's to say some of this wouldn't have happened anyway, baby or no. Regardless, though, I will admit that it's taking some getting used to. I'd become accustomed to my larger bust-line, and now instead of the ladies seeming smaller, I feel like everything else got bigger. It's a weird scale, perspective thing, and I have to keep reminding myself that I probably didn't gain five pounds in a week.

Emotionally, I don't think I experienced any major hormone shifts at the end, but you may need to check with Jon. I was a little "pissy" for a week or so, but I don't remember it being too out of control. I will say that I was surprised by how emotional I had become about nursing. While it was going on, I never really felt one way or another about it. It was something that needed to be done, and sometimes I was happy to do it, and sometimes it was a huge inconvenience, truthfully. However, the first night I didn't nurse her before she went to bed, the urge to do so was very strong. I really, really wanted to, and I had to keep reminding myself that I had to quit at some point. Plus, she was ready. She'd been ready for a while.

As for the sushi part of the title, to put a positive spin on weaning and celebrate some of the activities I can now return to whole-heartedly, Jon, some friends, and I are going out for cocktails and sushi this Saturday--cocktails because I mostly avoided hard alcohol while I was breastfeeding (and before anyone flips out, I was very careful to wait appropriate amounts of time or pump and dump even when drinking wine and beer), and sushi because it's best to avoid the whole raw fish thing while you're feeding another person, bacteria and all that.

And so it ends, and I can stop writing warning labels for so many posts, unless, of course, Maddie decides to repeat the "Great Poo Incident of 2009"...

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to burn my nursing bras. Those things were awful.

Of Two Minds

WARNING: This post is solely about breastfeeding. If you feel you may be uncomfortable with the topic, please skip this one. Thanks!

Yesterday, Maddie reached the eight-month mark. (Eight months! I know!) It's weird to think that in a couple of months, we're going to have to start seriously planning her first birthday party. (Don't even get me started on that. For some reason, it seems that birthday parties for small children must have themes, usually based on something the child really loves, but how do you pick out a theme for a one-year-old? Okay, people, the theme is pureed pears and being outside--Go! It's going to be a process...)

Anyway, long parenthetical rants aside, as she gets older, a question is starting to come up with increasing frequency: So, you're still breastfeeding? When she was just a few months old, people would ask, "Are you still breastfeeding?", but now, it's usually, "So, you're still breastfeeding?" They sound like the same question, but trust me, they aren't. See "Are you?" is encouraging, interested, supportive. "So, you're..." is a little more judgemental. You can see people thinking, "Come on, this kid's almost a year old. Is she really going to be able to quit at a year? Is she going to be one of those crunchy, hippy moms who's still nursing her four-year-old, in public, without any sort of cover, while munching on organic granola and flax seeds?" To the latter, I would give a resounding, No!

See, originally, the plan was to be finished at six-months. I would wean her, and we'd switch her to formula, and life would keep rolling, as it does. But around the five-month mark, I started to feel like I should keep doing it longer. Number one, she really seems to enjoy the nursing session right before bed, and to be honest, so do I. We curl up in the over-stuffed chair in the living room, she settles down to eat, usually half-asleep already as she does so, and I turn on a cooking show that I started watching while I was on maternity leave and still watch every night. (Barefoot Contessa, anyone? I love me some Ina Garten!) It's very relaxing, very private, very much our time. Number two, I still feel like breast milk may be better than formula. I know there are all kinds of studies showing that after six-months of age, there's really not any difference, but it's just how I feel about it for my kid. (A note to any of you who read this and are using, did use, are planning to use formula: I'm not judging you. Really, I'm not. You have to do what you think is right for your family and your baby. There are all kinds of different situations, and I would never dream of telling how to run your life.) Number three, and this is a practical one, it's soooooo much cheaper than formula. I'm not going to use the phrase "In this economy" because I'm getting really tired of hearing that all the time, but the little personal dairy that I'm carrying around between my shoulders and my belly button is probably saving us close to $100/month. Not bad for the former B-cups, if I do say so myself.

However, this post is titled "Of Two Minds" for a reason. I'm getting really, really, really, really, really...really tired of pumping! I'm tired of lugging the big black bag around (because no matter how many adjectives like chic and stylish they throw around, it looks like nothing more or less than a bag containing a breast pump). I'm tired of rinsing and drying the pump parts not to mention having to run the dishwasher every night to get them cleaned and sanitized for the next day. I'm tired of the 1-1.5 hours a day I spend hooked up to a machine. And, to be honest, I'm tired of the attention that it draws. Breastfeeding is still so controversial, and strangely, like with pregnant women, people seem to lose their filter when talking about it. If I were to suddenly decide to become a vegetarian, people might talk about it behind my back, but not many strangers or people I only know slightly would feel comfortable questioning my choice to my face, but for some reason, people feel completely within their rights to tell me what to do with my boobs. When you think about it that way, it's seriously messed up. In what other situation would you feel it was all right to talk about something it isn't even legal to expose in public?

Basically, that's how I feel about it. Just felt like sharing. Interestingly, after I had already started this post, I read an article on breastfeeding and some of the new trends and ideas that are being thrust upon already confused mothers. Check it out here. (As a side note, I adore this parenting website, so for all you Generation X parents out there, it's worth exploring a bit.) My use of the words "thrust upon" may sound as if I don't agree with the article, which isn't true. I agree with a large part of what's being said. I just, as mentioned above, get a little tired of people trying to tell me what to do with the ladies. What are your thoughts? Why is this such a pressure-filled topic?